I just had to tell my coach that I’m dropping from the tournament today.
Now, with my social anxiety and things, I find it hard to deliver good news to people; if I was telling you that you won the lottery, I probably wouldn’t be able to make eye contact. I live in constant fear of people being angry or unhappy with me, even if I haven’t done anything wrong, I still worry that my mom and boyfriend actually hate me.
I know that my registration was a result of a miscommunication.
I know that I have to be at rehearsal today.
I know that I am sick today and have been sick for the last week and a half.
I know that the tournament was rescheduled because of snow, and everyone is still on the wrong day mentally because of the chaos.
But I still feel so bad. I hate having to tell people no. I pride myself on being able to do everything and do it well, but this I know I could’t do. I was the only person in my event registered and now my school has nobody to even try for states in LD. I feel like my coach thinks I’m flaky and unreliable and won’t write me a recomendation or think highly of me anymore.
Basically, I’m freaking out. I walked in to talk to him, and I almost threw up. I feel like I might have a panic attack, but I don’t think I actually will. But what kind of stupid person loses track of what day it is and has to pull from an event the day of because they were confused.
I just feel so bad physically and mentally right now.