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2/3 Of a Triple Threat

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I'm Madeleine.

I kind of sound like a mess on paper, but that's not what this blog is about.


Why is it so can complicated? I need help.

Sorry for all of the personal posts lately.
My dad was abusive when I was younger. After a lot of years of hating and blaming myself, I was finally able to accept that we will never have a real relationship, and that I am not obligated to forgive him for anything. I made myself miserable trying to win hip approval, and it was so freeing to finally accept that his validation was the only thing worth living for.
As I’ve gotten older, he has changed. He is really trying to be my father, and take an interest in what I do and who I am.
He makes me feel guilty for trusting my mom more than him, and not wanting to be hugged by him and such.
I feel terrible. I now feel like I’m the abuser because I’m denying him when he is trying so hard.
This is bringing up a lot of the issues I struggled with when I was younger: that the abuse was my fault, and that I made my dad mean.
I don’t know what to do.

— 1 year ago with 1 note
#relationships  #parents  #personal  #abuse  #abusive parent  #help  #advice  #guilt  #confusion  #anger  #self harm 
HELP ME CHILDREN!!

I have the district choir festival this weekend, starting on Thursday with auditions for regional choir.
One problem.
I have no fucking voice. I am so congested, and my throat is so sore I sound like a nasally man!!

— 1 year ago
#help  #sing  #singer  #advice  #voice  #no voice  #pmea  #theatre  #theatre kid  #musical 
I could really use some support right now.

For the first time Ina very long time, I am at something close to a healthy weight and I can’t take it. I just feel so fat and huge all of the time. I can feel myself beginning to fall back down the hole of constant body checking and my mood being dictated by how little I ate, but I don’t care.
I’ve been looking at thinspo, and wishing I could look like that again. Although I do not like my doody right now, I also do not want to throw out the almost 2 years of hard fought recovery it took to get me here.
I’ve been restricting again and using my fitness pal. I just hate my body.

— 1 year ago with 1 note
#Eating disorder  #recovery  #anorexia  #help  #support 
Any tips on how to clear all of the crap out of my sinuses and chest?

I have to sing tomorrow.., and I sound like a dying whale at the moment. I hate being sick!

— 2 years ago with 2 notes
#Singing  #Voice  #Advice  #Help  #Sick  #Musicals  #Cold  #Dying whale  #Theatre  #Ill  #Choir  #Chorus 
Does anyone know where to get bras for normal sized boobs with tiny band sizes?

I’m thin and a generally petite frame (5’8” and a little under 120 pounds) but I’m a full B or a small C cup bra, but in teenager brands I can be up to a D. I can never find my band size!! I need a 32 band, but a 30 is ideal for me. 

— 2 years ago with 2 notes
#bra  #underwear  #women  #boobs  #breast  #help  #bra shopping  #personal  #me  #my life 
Making a quilt out of all of my theatre shirts. Any suggestions for backing material?

I love the memories, but having dozens of tshirts takes up way too much space! 

It would be awesome if I could find a way to make it so I can add on as high school continues. 

— 2 years ago
#sewing  #quilt  #quilting  #help  #t-shirt quilt  #shirts  #theatre  #craft  #arts and crafts  #personal  #me  #my life 
Thespians: I need help!

I lost my voice. Right in time for Sunday matinee, which I am swinging for so even more singing dancing.
Anyway, my throat kills, no semblance of and pretty sound is coming out: do you have any suggestions beyond throat coat?

— 2 years ago with 1 note
#help  #theatre  #thespian  #theatre kid  #singing  #singer  #voice  #vocal  #lost  #lose  #sick  #sore throat  #superstar  #personal  #me  #my life 
Officially running a fever.

This seriously isn’t good.
Anybody know any ways to kick this thing?

— 2 years ago with 1 note
#Sick  #fever  #help  #rehearsal  #tired  #cough  #sore throat  #ill  #personal  #me  #my life